If you have ever put a cat and a two year old in the same room, you know how well they go together, what with a child’s squawking and fur pulling and relentless chasing of any animal they are not afraid of. I can only imagine a cat’s deepest wish is for more two year olds in its life. Which is why I delight in watching my two year old niece interact with my cats, Malcolm and Niko. In addition to thinking that the house actually belongs to our cat, Niko (apparently Aunt Jen and Uncle Scott are mere footnotes on this matter), my niece has apparently adopted him as one of her best friends. In the case of this Sunday’s Easter dinner visit, that meant teaching the cat the ABCs.
Niko is on the left; Malcolm on the right.
But here’s the deal with cats: they have boundaries. Really, really good boundaries.
Exhibit A: As soon as the nieces and nephews arrive, Malcolm disappears. Hours later I discover him hiding in the dark basement, very willing to be pet by me but clearly asserting that he will not make any appearance on the main floor until the craziness is gone.
Exhibit B: Niko, a much more social cat, tolerates the attentions of all the children, especially the devoted affection of my two year old niece. But after learning his ABCs and retiring into his shoebox for a nap, he proffers a hiss at her smiling face as it moves within inches of his own. She gets the point.
As humans, our boundaries are often not so clear. We are very often much less persistent than cats in the face of internal or external pressures and often our boundaries become overly flexible or overly rigid.
If my cats could speak human, I have a feeling they might offer these few salient points on the topic:
- Be clear on what you really want (e.g., breakfast at 8:00am)
- Communicate that expectation clearly (meow at 7:45am)
- If there is no favorable response, reassert yourself (meow obscenely for 20 minutes)
- If continued roadblocks are encountered, remain clear on what you want, but seek out other avenues (find another being who is able to utilize the can opener or choose to eat tulips and then vomit them up on the dining room table)
I suppose it really boils down to knowing what you want, going after it and treating others who might be involved in loving and respectful ways, even if it means there might be disappointment or hurt (part of being an adult means trusting others to manage their own feelings). Without that, we run the risk of always operating at the whim of others or walling out the people closest to us. In either case, having poor boundaries prevents us from getting to the stuff that matters.
Are your boundaries clear and managed well enough that you’re getting to the important elements in your life?
