I listen. A lot. But professionally, it’s more than listening. It’s about creating a space that’s all about the other person and being present to their needs and wants.

Recently, I’ve begun to notice that I’m doing this personally. It can be hard for me to assert myself in a conversation the way other people do. I often wait to be asked what’s going on as opposed to launching into the story of what’s going on for me. I hold back. It’s like I reflexively keep the focus on the other person.

So when I was out for a walk with one of my best girlfriends last night, I found myself continually asking questions, listening, empathizing and offering feedback. I wasn’t being a coach, per say, but I also wasn’t being a friend: I wasn’t giving her the chance to ask follow-up questions, to listen, to empathize, to offer me feedback.

As the evening wore on, I began to notice that I was feeling distant and uncared for. Which is precisely when I remembered that few people care about me more than this friend and that I had the ability to ask (implicitly or explicitly) for what I wanted! So at the first opening, I took a deep breath and launched into a long story about my week. And then I launched into another about a personal problem I was facing.

By the end of the night, I had experienced all the intimacy and care that I had wanted. It was available to me the whole time. I just had to reach out and take it!