Posts Tagged ‘change’

Day 27: Home Ownership (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

You know how every kid imagines growing up, having a beautiful wedding and starting a family in a country home behind a white picket fence?

Yeah, me neither. A product of the 80s, I always imagined myself in power suits with shoulder pads and I entirely neglected to picture the living/partner/family arrangements.

Which is why I was TOTALLY surprised by how much I enjoy owning a home. Granted, it’s a West Philadelphia (born and raised) row, but it’s a really nice row in a really nice part of West Philly.

I guess I somehow assumed owning a home would feel like renting a home, just with a slightly increased sense of commitment and with the knowledge that the money paid each month is building equity. Rather cognitive, I know. I actually thought it might feel like a burden, what with my subtle commitment phobias.

Instead, it feels liberating. Joyful. I’m excited to pay the mortgage each month (which, by the way, is how I experience paying taxes in my business) – it feels like a blessing and like success! It also feels settled, in a really nice way. Not settled-stuck, just settled. Which is yet another thing to add to the list of I-didn’t-think-I’d-have-this-in-my-20s items.

Home ownership is one of the more recent experiences I’m celebrating from the first 30 years. As a matter of fact, we decided to put an offer on the house on the very day of my 29th birthday. I can still feel the excitement buzzing between me and Scott. In any event,  it’s a biggie. It feels like one of the few rites of passages we have in this country and therefore played a significant role in ushering in what I alluded to at the start of this series – a new, truer form of adulthood.

Which I’m increasingly growing to like.

(Ummm, it turns out the roof had a leak and the ceiling was moments away from falling; hence the need to drill holes.)

Day 26: Shamrock Shakes (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

If you’re not one of the few who mistake my looks for Russian, you may have guessed that I’m mostly of Irish ancestry. My dad’s grandparents, if I remember correctly, all came to the U.S. from Ireland. My mom is packing about 50% Irish heritage and the rest is your typical American mutt story.

Perhaps its the proximity of Ellis Island. I don’t know. What I do know is that people on the East Coast are strangely attached to the roots of their ancestors. And in my neck of the woods, being Irish during the month of St. Paddy’s Day provides an opportunity for excessive pride.

Some examples, for those who care:

So I’m Irish. And my birthday is the day after St. Patrick’s day. And I live in Philadelphia. I know what you’re thinking: nothing could possibly symbolize the convergence of these important factoids like green beer, right? Close, but no four leaf clover.

For me it is another green beverage: the Shamrock Shake from Mickey D’s. Yes, there was the making of Irish Potatoes and the hanging of paper shamrocks around the house, but when I was a kid nothing said, “Jen, your birthday is here!” quite like the Shamrock Shake. I religiously requested and enjoyed one every year in the days leading up to my birthday.

I don’t eat at McDonald’s more than once a year (have you seen Super Size Me?!?) and I’m not thinking the Mickey D’s in Spain (where I am today) stock up on the minty green frozen “milk” beverage, but it doesn’t matter. I know where we are in the year the same way I’ve known for so many years prior: the Shamrock Shake has hit the stores!

Day 25: Traveling (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

Speaking of Spanish shoes, I’m leaving for Spain today with the love of my life. We’re going to hit up Sevilla and tool around the countryside. Oh, and we’re fitting in a short jaunt to Marrakech because, well…did you know Africa is so close to Spain?!?

Last March 18, one of Scott’s birthday gifts to me was an invitation to cash in all our carefully accrued credit card points and hit up the European destination of my choice for my 30th birthday. I couldn’t have come up with a better gift myself!

(From the latest of my international travels: a solo trip to Guatemala to visit my mom.)

But I’d like to tell you a secret: I’m a little intimidated. As a matter of fact, I’m always a little intimidated when going to a foreign land – even if it’s just a party where everyone else seems to know one another or a boutique where I am clearly out priced. Which is precisely why I do these things and, to the point, why I travel.

An example:

In 2001, my dad I were spending two weeks in the Umbrian province of Italy and we decided to go for a hike in a nearby state park. We were discussing the Italian flora and the oddly frequent “Madonna con Bambino” statues when – out of nowhere! – we found ourselves in a very precarious situation. We were surrounded by a dozen skinny-to-the-bone canines in what seemed to be a country “village” of three dilapidated buildings. Clearly, we were lost and possibly, we were dinner.By the time a young Italian woman with a babe at her breast materialized, called off the dogs and pointed us in the right direction, we had nearly become Catholic converts and had already begun praying to Anthony, patron saint of lost things. We were also moments away from losing our bodily functions.

Intimidating? Yes.

I don’t know what adventures await this next leg. I will no doubt return home feeling more competent, curious and humble. I will be bigger and the world will feel smaller. Which is good because I’ve got this business I run and this love affair I maintain and a crazy family I spend time with. Somehow, packs of growling dogs who definitively do not speak English manage to put all of those adventures in perspective.

Day 24: The Great Love Affair (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

It all started with the shoes. The man wore great shoes. Not your typical upscale LA leather loafers, either. We’re talking fluevogs. I didn’t know at the time that shoes like this even existed. So I did what any self-respecting girl from Jersey would do: I ridiculed him. He didn’t flinch. Rather, he came right back at me.

My heart skipped a few beats.

But I was distracted. I was conducting a lukewarm long-distance thing with a guy from Philly and there was this California boy I had a crush on. Plus my stepmom was dying of cancer. I was certainly not looking to add anything else into the mix.

But like I said – he could take as well as he could dish. It turned out he was also brilliant. And beautiful and athletic and artistic and generous and thoughtful.

And I fell hard. And he fell hard.

Then this whirlwind of a love affair that seemed to be so ill-timed due to death and divorce and age and the whole complicated mess that is life became a relationship and then an exchange of engagement rings and then there was cake and dancing and a honeymoon on Vancouver Island.

It’s been nearly 10 years and I am still having a great love affair that causes my heart to race and my eyes to light up. I still think Scott’s the cat’s pajamas, the person everyone really should meet. He’s the one I’m eager to come home to, the man I always long to sneak away with.

These are gifts I never anticipated I’d be celebrating when I turned 30. And yet here I am.

So thank you, love, for being my co-conspirator in this amazing tale of romance. For being willing to tell the same transformative story with me over and over again. Maybe we can slip away to the Mediterranean this weekend – just the two of us – where we can laugh late into the night and go shopping for Spanish shoes…

Day 23: Theatre (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

If my mother was to say I was born in the dirt, my father might be likely to say I was born on the stage. I’ve performed in Shakespeare and Brecht, Wilder and Moliere, Jones and Inge.

My dad, who’s been teaching theatre at the same university for almost as long as I am old, first started including me in his productions when I was barely five. I went on to perform in my high school productions and a little in college, but outside of “the platform,” as they say in the professional speaking world, my last curtain call occurred three years ago when my dad needed a pinch hitter for Tartuffe and I was available.

(In Godspell when I was 16.)

Theatre is easy to celebrate because it’s almost always centered around some kind of story and humans love story. More to the point, I love story. It’s also easy to celebrate because it’s like music and painting – it’s art and everyone loves art in some form or another.

I’m celebrating my own history of theatre these first 30 years, however, because it has helped me understand my own identity and my own story. For example, I vividly remember the day a college director pushed me and pushed me in a role to get angry. I’d never allowed myself to feel so angry or express it so openly. Suffice it to say I never had trouble after that; the experience of playing someone else opened me up to a whole new part of myself.

Theatre has done something else important in my life. It has helped me understand the maleability of my own identity and my own story. In other words, through acting I began to see that how I show up in the world is, to some degree, no different than trying on different characters. Jung called it “persona” and it comes in pretty handy when embarking on new adventures in life.

So today I bow down to Dionysus for the joy and revelry and truth-telling that occurs on a stage. And I give thanks to all the muses who have helped me identify, create and re-create the person I am and the life I live.

Day 22: My Brother Sean (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

A year or so ago my husband and I met up for dinner with my brother Sean and his wife, Andrea. After waiting briefly to be seated, the maitre d’ turned toward Sean and said, “Mr. Gleeson, your table is ready.” I almost spit out my gin and tonic.

That’s because Sean cannot be Mr. Gleeson. He’s the kid I had to bathe with after he puked on the back of my head. The kid I used to fight with for control of the remote. The kid who convinced me to eschew New Kids on the Block, who tricked me into telling Andy that I like him and who tortured me endlessly when I shaved my head. This person, quite simply, cannot be Mister Gleeson.

But, of course, he is.

(While camping, no doubt.)

Sean was born a year and half before me and was my best friend until the time came when all older brothers stop being best friends to their little sisters. I was probably about eight. Even when Sean became a cranky adolescent (and may I state for the record that “cranky” is an understatement?), he was older brother enough to merit a certain level of hero worship. Part of that just comes with the territory. But most of it is because he is one of the smartest, funniest and most generous people I know.

(In 2009)

Today, though, I’m skipping Sean’s great qualities.

I’m celebrating him because we share two parents, the same frizzy hair and an affinity for power tools. Because up to this point in my life, there is no one with whom I have shared more of the same experiences, which means he represents continuity to me and steadfastness.

I suppose a part of me will always be making mud pies on the front steps and trying to get the mean kid in the neighborhood to eat poison berries. The part that  built forts in the living room and switched back and forth between my parents’ houses. And that part of me will always have a best friend. Because I have Sean.

Day 21: Quitting (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

I’m a quitter. Over the last 30 years, I’ve quit a lot of things – races, jobs, friendships, foods, styles, boyfriends, plans, books, family members, businesses, teams.

Rarely, in all the times that I can remember, have I actually followed through with a decision to quit something and later come to regret it. I understand that this runs counter to traditional axioms about quitting. After all, outside of smoking, quitting = failure, no?

No.

That’s because I’m not talking about the quit-because-I’m-terrified or quit-because-I-might-succeed or quit-because-I-might-fail or quit-because-I’m-afraid-of-conflict scenario. That’s something else entirely. I’m talking about the times I’ve (responsibly) quit because it authentically reflects who I am. In these situations, quitting has proven to be a necessary way of staying true to myself, following through with my passions and interests, protecting me from toxic people and situations, making myself available for bigger and better experiences.

At the end of the day, this kind of quitting has brought me to life.

(A 1995 look I quit.)

So today I celebrate all the times I said yes. And then said no. All the times I moved forward because I thought it was something I wanted and then allowed myself to move away when I realized it wasn’t. I’ve given myself a lot of practice these first thirty years and I imagine I’ll have to do less quitting over the next thirty as a result. On the other hand, if at first I get something all wrong, at least I’ll be able to draw on all of this experience I have and just up and -

Day 20: My Brother Chris (30th Birthday Countdown)

You know those moments when something incredibly important shifts for you but you don’t know it until years later? My brother Chris is responsible for one of those moments in my life that has forever altered my trajectory.

Always one to go out of his way, Chris (26 at the time) decided to take me shopping in New York City for my 16th birthday. I had been to New York several times growing up to see shows, but never to shop. Even for a pseudo-tomboy like me, this sounded dreamy.

If I remember correctly, when the big day came we drove into the city (a treat in and of itself) and spent the morning walking around SoHo where we found a hip outdoor market happening. After purchasing a very short, very tight, very cute black and white dress, we ate lunch and sat on a park bench people-watching.

And then came one of those moments.

Sitting on a sunny New York street,  I became aware, for the very first time, that this world – this WHOLE world – was available to me. I could see myself going to college in a big city and traveling the world. I could imagine the interesting people I would meet and the diversity of food I might try.

So much of this is because of Chris. In his early 20s, he was traveling to Moscow and Tokyo and London on business. He went to Carnival in Rio De Janeiro and trekked through Southeast Asia. And he took his little sister to the big city and regaled her (I am sure) with tales of his travels. In other words, Chris never let the world seem small to him which made it seem accessible to me.

(At the Grand Canyon in 1999.)

As I look back at my decision to go to college in California or I remember eating a conch pistol in the Bahamas or I take note of my immediate plans to travel to Africa for the first time, I must say a prayer of thanks for Chris. For he not only introduced me to Thai food and hot sauce and Russian nesting dolls; somewhere along the way, he taught me how to introduce myself to the world.

How different my life would be without that!

Day 18: Cats (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

I am one cat shy, one husband too many and 15 years too young to be a crazy cat lady, but should the situation change and in 15 years I find myself widowed and still childless, I will undoubtedly stock up on cats.

The cats I grew up with were Paprika (a calico) and Dots (a stripped tabby). Both of these little ladies went around the block a few times, so our home was frequently blessed with kittens in boxes and sock drawers.  Alas, Paprika was run over by a cop in town when I was still in elementary school and I discovered Dots, curled up in the corner and cold, one afternoon in the 7th grade.

These days, my husband, Scott, and I are proud caretakers of Malcolm (aka Crazy) and Niko (aka Cow Cat). There could not be a 30-day series of celebrations without including them.

(Niko and Malcolm)

I adore these cats. Really. I’m just this side of obsessed with my unusually tall feline friends. But for the life of me I can’t quite figure out why. Sure, they’re damn cute. And they purr. And the imagination runs rampant with anthropomorphization. But they also cause my allergies to flare up, destroy furniture, act rather entitled and can be difficult to communicate with.

So I hunted around briefly for an explanation, thinking perhaps some researcher had written the final word on the appeal of these furry critters. No such luck, but the Pets for the Elderly Foundation did have this to say about pet ownership:

Pets offer affection, unconditional love, fight loneliness, and can help ease the loss of a loved one.

Somehow this doesn’t quite measure up for me. I’m 99% certain that my cats’ love is far from unconditional. I’m not even sure you could call it love. Mostly, I think we’re all pretending.

I won’t be home when I reach the big three-oh so I won’t be able to force the cats to celebrate with me. But that’s okay. I’ll be celebrating them, and all the love and imagination they somehow draw forth from me, making me an undoubtedly more generous person.

And because this is what people who are obsessed with their pets do, I’ll also probably be imagining that they’re trying to figure out how to operate the webcam so they can dial up Marrakesh and meow me a rendition of Happy Birthday. You know, what with their unconditional love and all.

Day 17: Sport (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

After leaving my grandmother’s funeral yesterday, I mostly wanted to curl up on the couch with a bottle of vino and watch Law & Order reruns. But since I don’t have cable – and therefore no 24/7 access to the series – my husband was able to convince me to hit up the gym.

My experience with sport began like it does for all kids – with trying to walk. And then run. And then by the time I was five, I was signed up for the town’s soccer team (read: running in frightened herds adjacent to the ball). Like most people who’ve played soccer for over 10 years, I have a respectable level of athleticism. I can move through a beautiful vinyasa (my apologies to those who insist that yoga is not sport); I can throw the occasional spiral; I can take down my husband in a game of racquetball; and I can hike in and out of the Grand Canyon in one day.

(Click to enlarge and you'll notice me on the far right and my name mentioned as an age group winner. More importantly, you'll notice my older brother 2nd from the left, whom I beat fair and square that day. Try not to get distracted by the three ripped men between us.)

In looking back over the years at the benefit of sport in my life, I keep circling around variations on the same theme: I feel comfortable in my body. By which I mean I understand how my body moves, what it needs, what it’s like to move powerfully through space, what it’s like to take up space.

I may not have done much at the gym yesterday – what with my mood and a nagging pain in my right ankle. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve got 25 years of athleticism behind me, reminding me to keep breathing deeply, to square my shoulders toward the direction in which I want the ball to go and, mostly, to experience the fullness of being a powerful physical presence in this world.


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“I can't thank you enough for just pushing what I knew I had inside of me to the forefront everyday!”T.C., Philadelphia, PA