Posts Tagged ‘goals’

Finish strong? Meh.

I ran just enough track in junior high school to remember that final push you’re supposed to give at the end of any given race. The finish line is in front of you and, filled with the fervor of a potential win or PR, you’re supposed to really give it your all.

I totally get this. It’s a good plan. It’s what makes people winners. Which is why we carry all kinds of athletic metaphors into every other part of life. We want to be winners.

I’m currently in the last stretch of relaunching Get There From Here. New focus, updated website, expanded offerings and new partners. It’s really terrific. I couldn’t be happier with where the business is going. It’s just that I’m ready for a nap.

I know I’m supposed to finish strong if I want to be a winner. I’m supposed to stay up late finalizing documents and IMing with my website developer. I should over-caffeinate and be sure to “leave it all on the field.” These were all the thoughts banging around my head earlier, when I was playing Scrabble on Facebook to avoid generating yet one more document. It was then that I had an aha moment!

I don’t need to finish strong because I’m not trying to win. This is no competition. There is no race. As a matter of fact, in a situation like this, if I leave it all on the field, I won’t have anything left for the actual business growth that results from this effort.

So I’ve got a new plan. I’m just going to finish. If I need to stop and walk a few paces before I can resume with speed, then walk I will. At the very least, walking will make it easier for me to watch the jiggle.

Put It Up, Tear It Down

Nearly a year ago I designed a series of posters to advertise my coaching business around town. If you live in a city, you’re used to seeing such business and event posters on telephone poles, light posts and in every coffee shop’s designated advertising area. I decided I wanted to experiment with this method of promotion. So I created a series of four clever posters to get the word out. They rocked. They were fun, smart and playful. They became known to me as “my poster campaign.”

The only problem was, I never went campaigning.

It was four months, post-design, before I actually got them printed. And then they sat. They sat on my dining room table. They sat in my office. They sat in my husband’s office. It wasn’t until last week that I stuffed them in a shoulder bag along with a roll of packing tape, a staple gun and a box of tacks and hit the streets. Last week, people! Last week.

There are lots of “reasons” for this delay, many of which I’ve been vaguely present to during these 12 months of avoidance. But the heart of my resistance didn’t become clear to me until after I’d hung the posters. After all, my experience with marketing online – via email, facebook, my website, whatever – has generally been a positive one. Even when there’s no active support for what I’m doing, there is hardly active rejection. Rejection tends to show up as passivity. Additionally, I’ve been doing this long enough and have enough ego strength that even if I put something out there and no one bites, I don’t find myself insecure or troubled and anxious.

But here’s the difference between online marketing and said poster campaign: what I put online, no one can take down or deface; what I hang on a telephone poll, anyone can take down. Or tear in half. Or doodle on. People encounter my business online either because they’ve knowingly entered my space or because I’ve been given permission to enter theirs. Hanging posters around my neighborhood was an act of invasion, a way of showing up uninvited.

Photo © Scott Gleeson Blue

I didn’t seen this coming, oddly enough. I knew I was dragging my heels, but couldn’t fully see why this kind of marketing would be all that different than my other forms of marketing.  I hadn’t anticipated that I would cringe every time I saw a poster missing or defaced. Or that I’d have to coach myself through morning strolls in the neighborhood, knowing that I’d be getting a more public kind of feedback than I’m accustomed to.

This experience reminds my of an earlier post wherein I mentioned that owning a business is like creating your own personal and spiritual development incubator. It’s like a fast-track to growth. (Or a slow track, depending on how long you avoid your own ideas!) I’m pleased to report that my skin feels a little thicker this week and that I’m no longer compulsively keeping tabs on my own posters.

I do what I do because it helps people get to the stuff that matters to them. If showing up uninvited and having to sit in my own discomfort means that someone who needs my support actually gets what they need, it’s totally worth it. And if showing up uninvited and having to sit in my own discomfort means that no one responds to the poster campaign but that I learn to give myself the emotional support I need, it’s totally worth it.

Self-reflection aside, I’d like to offer one tidbit for those of you looking to spread the word in this manner. Leave your phone number off the poster unless you want to be drunk-dialed at 11pm on a Friday night, with the request to attend a dance party. Just sayin’.

Disconnection

A perfect confluence of events:

  • my laptop adapter died on Friday and the new one wasn’t delivered until late this afternoon
  • my husband spent the last three days holed up editing video
  • the TV and spare computer were stolen last month
  • this Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were oddly clear of any appointments

Over the last three days, I have gotten more done on the domestic front than I’ve gotten done in the previous six weeks.  In addition to soloing on the regular upkeep of the house – dishes, food, litterbox – while Scott remained glued to two computer monitors, I:

  • hung four pieces of artwork
  • emptied an entire room of the crap I’d dumped in it
  • folded close to a dozen loads of laundry
  • vacuumed the entire house
  • cleaned the bathroom

Plus, I:

  • wrote the marketing copy for a new business idea long hand
  • enjoyed a really long evening out with a dear friend
  • reread a novel
  • wrote down my dreams
  • meditated
  • lent my audio expertise from a previous life to Scott’s video project
  • gave my carpel tunnel a rest

What would disconnectivity do for you?

Ditchin’ La Vida Loca*: An Interview

I’ve done enough yoga to know that there’s no such thing as balance. At least not in any permanent, rigid way. Balance is a constant wavering, a series of movements that take you backward and forward, left and right. Not falling down is balance. But when it comes to having a healthy blend of our professional and personal lives, most people I know feel like they’re missing some elusive golden key. Most of us keep falling down.

So I turned to a fellow coach and author of the book, Your Work, Your Life…Your Way: 7 Keys to Work-Life Balance, to provide us all with some insight into this elusive thing called work-life balance. Julie Cohen rocked this audio interview and you’re bound to find multiple valuable take-aways for your own life. Check it:

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If you’re interested in Julie’s book, you can find it at her website or on Amazon. You can also check her out on facebook. And like most people who are gaga for what they do, she’d love to have you contact her with any questions or thoughts at julie@7keystoworklifebalance.com!

* For those of you who don’t speak Spanish (or speak Ricky Martin), “la vida loca” means “the crazy life.”

Training v. Working Out

I’ve been quizzing lots of people on what motivates them to do what it is that’s most important to them. How do they keep moving forward when they’re tired, afraid of failure or success, have laundry to do or people to stalk on facebook?

One of the most common themes is tied to goals and it just so happens that my friend Olivia, who is blogging about her experiences as she travels the world, wrote her latest post on staying motivated to be physically fit. She has this to say:

I need goals. I need to know what I’ve accomplished so I can either stop contentedly or push on for more. If I’m training for something, I can’t miss a workout; it would screw up my entire training schedule, which would drive me nuts.

Maybe it’s our culture’s lack of emphasis on self-discipline or over-emphasis on instant gratification; regardless, I don’t know too many people who find it easy to establish habits simply because it’s good for them. We do better with goals. (Note to self: find some kind of goal that can be tied to vacuuming.) Olivia will no doubt enjoy working out and discover that exercise is an end in and of itself (like vacuuming, right?). However, as she admits, without a training-related goal the chances of jump starting a fitness regiment decline significantly (hence my personal lack of vacuuming).

It doesn’t really matter what motivates you. But if you prefer to train rather than work out, set a goal. It may do just the trick!

To "Book" or not to "Book"?

Okay, so it’s been some time since my promise that I’d share “more later” about the re-authoring of my life that occurred via my 30 day celebration series. It’s not for lack of trying. Or reflecting. Or believing. Or having good intentions.

It’s that it’s just too much!

I’ve sat down to write about the power of this exercise, about the way it changed me and the way I relate to specific events and individuals or the difference it’s made in the way I view myself and the lessons that I learned. And every blog-sized thing I write comes off as paltry. Cheap. Like the vise grips I’m using as shower fixtures instead of having the damn knobs replaced.

(See? Cheap.)

Which brings me to you for some feedback.

More than a few people have suggested that this series be folded into a book. I won’t say the idea didn’t also occur to me about half-way through. And if it were a book, I could not only expand and improve the existing material, but I could do the summation justice. I could take the space and time needed.

Some of you have followed me diligently through this process and I’d really like to know your honest opinion: would you want to see this in a book?

A. Yes. Put me on the pre-order list!

B. Sure. I’d read it if someone bought one for me.

C. I’d buy it because I’m your client/relative/friend, but I wouldn’t read it.

D. No thanks. This is better blog fodder than book fodder.

Thanks for your input! And now, back to regular blogging!

Day 27: Home Ownership (30th Birthday Countdown)

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

You know how every kid imagines growing up, having a beautiful wedding and starting a family in a country home behind a white picket fence?

Yeah, me neither. A product of the 80s, I always imagined myself in power suits with shoulder pads and I entirely neglected to picture the living/partner/family arrangements.

Which is why I was TOTALLY surprised by how much I enjoy owning a home. Granted, it’s a West Philadelphia (born and raised) row, but it’s a really nice row in a really nice part of West Philly.

I guess I somehow assumed owning a home would feel like renting a home, just with a slightly increased sense of commitment and with the knowledge that the money paid each month is building equity. Rather cognitive, I know. I actually thought it might feel like a burden, what with my subtle commitment phobias.

Instead, it feels liberating. Joyful. I’m excited to pay the mortgage each month (which, by the way, is how I experience paying taxes in my business) – it feels like a blessing and like success! It also feels settled, in a really nice way. Not settled-stuck, just settled. Which is yet another thing to add to the list of I-didn’t-think-I’d-have-this-in-my-20s items.

Home ownership is one of the more recent experiences I’m celebrating from the first 30 years. As a matter of fact, we decided to put an offer on the house on the very day of my 29th birthday. I can still feel the excitement buzzing between me and Scott. In any event,  it’s a biggie. It feels like one of the few rites of passages we have in this country and therefore played a significant role in ushering in what I alluded to at the start of this series – a new, truer form of adulthood.

Which I’m increasingly growing to like.

(Ummm, it turns out the roof had a leak and the ceiling was moments away from falling; hence the need to drill holes.)

What? Say no to making New Year's resolutions?!?

You get about 75 million hits when searching google with keywords New + Year’s + Resolution. Everywhere I turn, it seems someone else is offering me THE top 5 tips for having my best year ever!!!

You’ve seen this, too, I’m sure and I’m curious: has it proven helpful to you? No? Yes? No matter. Let me add my voice to the cacophonous mess.

I was at the gym last night and overwhelmed at the staggering difference between the average number of people working out on any given night last month as compared to the zoo that was last night.

My husband commented that this was kinda cool. Health and fitness are good things to acheive and he wanted to celebrate the effort of those new to these goals. I rolled my eyes (how coach-like of me!) and said, “I know I can tend a little cynical, but how many of these folks do you think will be here in six months?”

Because I work with people on change all the time, I know how absolutely challenging it can be to sustain, especially without support. And for many people, New Year’s Resolutions are empty promises to themselves, often borne out of what they think they should do, not borne out of who they really are and what they really want.  They often don’t even solve any existing problems which, quite frankly, is a real shot in motivation’s foot.

So if you’re among the masses who have identified any resolutions/goals/intentions for 2010 (I have), let me offer two bits of advice:

1. Ensure that it actually solves a real problem that you have (e.g., I will perform my physical therapy exercises three times a week because the pain caused by my poor posture is impeding my ability to function well)

2. Don’t commit to it if you don’t really want to

David Allen said, “Most of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not keeping agreements they’ve made with themselves.”

It’s counterintuitive to all the New Year’s hype, perhaps, but I seriously urge you to let go of making any agreements with yourself that you don’t anticipate keeping. I want you to have a very successful, meaningful and prosperous year. If that means letting some resolutions go, then by all means, take this coach’s suggestion and do just that!

Jesus + New Age = Guilt?

The Bible Story

A very sick woman decided that if she could only touch the hem of Jesus’ man-dress, she would be healed. So she tracks him down, breaks multiple cultural norms and religious laws and touches the hem of his garment. She is immediately healed and Jesus turns to her and says, “Your faith has healed you.” A version of that story can be found here.

The Law of Attraction

According to Wikipedia, “the Law of Attraction says people’s thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives, whether or not they’re aware of it. Essentially, if you really want something and truly believe it’s possible, you’ll get it.”

The Shadow Side

Both of these ideas resonate with me and I’ve experienced the outworking of them. However, the distillation and combination of these two messages forces a shadow side to emerge that warrants attention. Without a broader context, ideas of faith and belief can easily lead to a path of guilt and self-blame. In other words, if I am not healed, if I do not have what I want, then it must be my fault. I have not had enough faith, I have not believed hard enough. I’ve heard this message of blame come through from traditional religious teachers and New Age gurus alike.

The Application

I’ve recently committed to taking my business to the next level financially. Most of the time, I believe I can do it, I will do it, I am doing it. I’ve decided to embrace, however, the really wise skeptic in me who nods and says, “Yes, but you’ve never done this before” or the little kid who says, “Yes, but I’m afraid to grow up that much!”

More than believing that I’m my own personal genie, I’ve committed to discovering where I’m resistant to my goal and dealing with that so that I can be more open and receptive. I’m also committed to laying the footwork that brings me closer to more financial success in my business. As I say in this post on marriage, I look forward to achieving my goal. I just might not quite believe it until I see it.

I don’t know enough about the Law of Attraction and its history to say whether my approach falls within the bounds of effective mental processes. I do know enough about Jesus’ other teachings to say that I’m pretty sure faith isn’t about perfection of thought or laying on the guilt when things don’t go as envisioned. I’ll keep you posted on how this refined *belief* works out for me.

And you? Where do you fall out with this?

Admit you have a problem (but don't obsess!)

I was struck this morning by an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer about tinnitus – a “phantom” ringing in the ears that results from no external prompt and that can nearly drive people over the brink. The brain is confused and by what, scientists have yet to discover.

One predominant treatment is called masking therapy, whereby you block out the ringing with another noise (white noise, television) until the brain learns to ignore the ringing.

“The goal is to retrain the brain to ignore the disruptive noise, the same way it stops noticing highway traffic or the neighbor’s barking dog.”

However, some people make no headway with this treatment. Lack of improvement can result from obsession over the ringing or when sufferers  get stonewalled by the limbic system which, among other things, controls our  emotional response. To quote the article’s expert:

“If you hate dogs or hate your neighbor, that barking sound is not going to fade into the background.”

Isn’t that amazing?!? In these cases where tinnitus is idiopathic and no physical medical treatment is available, we can impede recovery by:

  1. Obsessing on the problem
  2. Overlaying “negative” emotions

I’m all for calling a spade a spade. If life sucks, name it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step in most kinds of recovery – be it addiction, hearing loss, unemployment or spiritual emptiness. Apparently, though, there’s a lot to be said for letting go and making peace with the thorns in our sides. Only then might we be able to remove them.

What about you? How have you noticed that an obsession with what’s wrong actually impedes your forward progress?*  Can you identify the direct and tangential emotions involved?

Please post your thoughts below!

I’d like to clarify an important distinction here. Most of us actually obsess over symptoms or get wrapped up in complaint. I would guess that 75% of my clients come to coaching unable to truly identify the problem they are facing – the fundamental root of their struggle or the real reason for any goal that they have set. The problem must be clearly named first in order to ensure successful forward movement. Doing this (sometimes time-heavy) work of identifying the problem is different than obsessing!


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