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Posts Tagged ‘integrity’

Lessons from the Feline Front

Written by Jennifer on 26th April 2011

If you have ever put a cat and a two year old in the same room, you know how well they go together, what with a child’s squawking and fur pulling and relentless chasing of any animal they are not afraid of. I can only imagine a cat’s deepest wish is for more two year olds in its life. Which is why I delight in watching my two year old niece interact with my cats, Malcolm and Niko. In addition to thinking that the house actually belongs to our cat, Niko (apparently Aunt Jen and Uncle Scott are mere footnotes on this matter), my niece has apparently adopted him as one of her best friends. In the case of this Sunday’s Easter dinner visit, that meant teaching the cat the ABCs.

Niko is on the left; Malcolm on the right.

But here’s the deal with cats: they have boundaries. Really, really good boundaries.

Exhibit A: As soon as the nieces and nephews arrive, Malcolm disappears. Hours later I discover him hiding in the dark basement, very willing to be pet by me but clearly asserting that he will not make any appearance on the main floor until the craziness is gone.

Exhibit B: Niko, a much more social cat, tolerates the attentions of all the children, especially the devoted affection of my two year old niece. But after learning his ABCs and retiring into his shoebox for a nap, he proffers a hiss at her smiling face as it moves within inches of his own. She gets the point.

As humans, our boundaries are often not so clear. We are very often much less persistent than cats in the face of internal or external pressures and often our boundaries become overly flexible or overly rigid.

If my cats could speak human, I have a feeling they might offer these few salient points on the topic:

Be clear on what you really want (e.g., breakfast at 8:00am)

Communicate that expectation clearly (meow at 7:45am)

If there is no favorable response, reassert yourself (meow obscenely for 20 minutes)

If continued roadblocks are encountered, remain clear on what you want, but seek out other avenues (find another being who is able to utilize the can opener or choose to eat tulips and then vomit them up on the dining room table)

I suppose it really boils down to knowing what you want, going after it and treating others who might be involved in loving and respectful ways, even if it means there might be disappointment or hurt (part of being an adult means trusting others to manage their own feelings). Without that, we run the risk of always operating at the whim of others or walling out the people closest to us. In either case, having poor boundaries prevents us from getting to the stuff that matters.

Are your boundaries clear and managed well enough that you’re getting to the important elements in your life?

Tags: boundaries, communication, goals, integrity
Posted in communication | 6 Comments »

My Name Is Geoff and I Have A Story

Written by Geoff on 17th December 2010

This post was submitted on Tell a Story. Isn’t it time you told your story?

I carry the hallmarks of a creative person. I’m an Enneagram type 4: the individualist. I’m an ENFP: plenty of ideas, strengths to apply and real challenges around focus and follow-through. I write these things to help you understand my journey. I don’t feel like these elements fully define me as a person, but they’re guideposts to who I am. I also write them because I have a confession:

They’re the very things that I’ve fought against for a very long time in my life.

See, I thought that normalcy and a sense of balance meant suppressing these parts of who I am. I grew up in a family that placed a premium on the three Rs of freedom: Respect, Responsibility and Reason. And so for years, I made the responsible choices. I Plan B’d my creativity into advertising. Not a bad thing. But inside? I was smoldering like Jack White in a Trappist Monastery.

Married at 22, I felt the pull of deeper and deeper responsibility and I had to respect that. I reasoned that if I could just work in the underbelly of my industry then eventually I’d find a way to reconcile these issues I had.

Until I found that my issues were my assets – my gifts, my jewel.

It took 25 years.

Let me give you my stories. It’s surreal:

• Childhood: Jerusalem (Swedish film; worth your time; Netflix it)
• High School: Breakfast Club as experienced by Andrew Clark
• College: Terry Gilliam’s Brazil
• Quarterlife: How to Get a Head in Advertising
• At 30: Kramer vs. Kramer minus the kid

Now understand, for 20 of those years I’ve been working implicitly on transcending these stories to write the new one. But a lot of those years I was doing it on my own. Gotta say, the transformation began when I made the conscious choice to move from self-reflective story changer to overt, out of the closet pursuer of my story. When I did this, it began to click and I made the move. To what?

Story teller. Interpreter of beauty. Writer. Filmmaker. My creative sensibility that has driven my career in the telling of brand stories has myriad applications. My artistic, idea-driven self holds the key. You know what else? What with the Three Rs of freedom and three decades of producing in a suppressive mode I can actually redeem that side of my experience too: I know how to get s**t done.

So I’m doing it. I have my own and new stories I’m going to write and film. You’ll read and watch them. Why? ENFPs have really finely honed delusions of grandeur. I wouldn’t trade mine for the world.

Tags: career, creativity, fear, integrity, story
Posted in Tell A Story | 2 Comments »

Setting Expectations

Written by Jennifer on 6th December 2010

My initial resistance to blogging was as mundane and commonplace as a European’s fear of eating tomatoes was in the first half of the second millennium AD. While I wasn’t afraid of being poisoned, I was afraid that what I had to say would not be useful to those who might read it. This resistance came to light during a conversation with Christine Gallagher, for which I’m very grateful. Seeing it enabled me to reason with it. And then get over it. Obviously.

I was invited to go to the next level of blogging earlier this year when I hired Dennis Baker to help me with search engine optimization. He stressed the importance of blogging regularly, not just for SEO, but because readers come to expect it and readers are important. And if you don’t continue providing valuable content for them, you fall off their radar and the connection breaks. Not meeting expectations is not good for relationships, in other words.

Which is what I heard reflected back to me on a brief phone call with my dad today when he gently ribbed me for not having posted for nearly two weeks. Good call, Dad.

I think it all boils down to that key word: expectations. The simple act of blogging roughly once per week for the last year, sometimes more, indicates that people can expect me to continue to do so, regardless of whether or not I tell them I will. Together, writer and reader establish a habit of connection. This is, for me, something I want, even if I don’t always maintain my end of the bargain.

But unlike my blogging life, we don’t always want to keep the expectations we’ve set. Sometimes, we get ourselves into relationship habits and work projects and ways of being that don’t really work for us. What then? We’ll here are some questions to think about that might help you begin to sort that very conundrum out.

Are there any relationships – business or personal – where you’ve established expectations (either explicitly or implicitly) that no longer work for you?
How do you continue to operate in a way that indicates others can hold those expectations of you?
What would be the cost of changing those expectations?
What would be the benefit?

December is a perfect month to be looking at expectations because they surface left and right in our personal lives due to the heightened sensitivity around family and holidays. We tend to expect so much from one another and feel the weight of others’ expectations of us, never stopping to figure out our role in crafting such scenarios.

Have you set the right expectations?

Tags: commitment, communication, integrity, writing
Posted in commitment | No Comments »

The Thigh Bone’s Connected to the Knee Bone: Part 1

Written by Jennifer on 13th October 2010

Physical pain – the kind that isn’t caused by a known injury – has been with me much of my life. I first remember it surfacing in mid childhood in my feet and knees. Myriad doctor’s appointments and years later, it was deemed connected to structural abnormalities of my feet and legs, easily corrected with foot orthotics. And so it was, to a large degree.

A couple years after that, however, I developed chronic headaches. And then pain and numbness in my right arm and hand. Bursitis in my hip. In general, I took all of this is stride. I made doctor’s appointments as needed, adjusted my activity as warranted and assumed I’d always get better. And then my voice stopped working. At least, it stopped working fully. Maybe not enough for others to notice, but for someone singing 1st soprano with the Philadelphia Chamber Chorus, my lack of vocal range and control hit me like a brick. I was diagnosed with idiopathic (i.e., no known reason) partial paralysis of my right vocal fold, a condition for which there is no sure-fire fix. Singing was generally off the table and speaking can be effortful. This was in 2005 and I was devastated.

Unfortunately, my experience of my body has not significantly improved since then and I’ve waded in and out of the waters of proactive treatment and the desert of resignation. But with a life that is concurrently filled with goodness, my lack of ease in my body has been a story I’ve generally kept to myself and that I’ve glossed over with good Irish humor.

And then the unthinkable happened: I was asked to give a talk on health later this month.In fact, I’m kicking off an organization’s year-long programming around health with the topic, “Your Story About Health.”

Now, I’m no adherent to the belief that helping others is predicated on me being perfect but every time I went to make even the most nascent preparations for this talk I could feel my stomach sinking. Why would I stand up in front of a room of people encouraging them to take responsibility for their stories about health when my relationship to my own health feels so tenuous? As someone who relies on personal stories to support others in their own paths of transformation, what story could I offer to those attending that would be both true and inspiring?

It’s not that I didn’t believe I could help them with their own stories about health; it’s that I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t helping myself.

Check back tomorrow for part 2 to this story…

Tags: health, integrity, power
Posted in health | 2 Comments »

How Not to Manage

Written by Jennifer on 2nd September 2010

There’s a lot of bad advice out there that really gets under my skin. The kind of meaningless-at-best or destructive-at-worst advice that people buy into, soak up and pass around like currency.* While I notice quite a bit of it in my field and in the “self-help” field in general, it really seems to come on full force in the world of business.

Take a recent blog post, Managing Older Managers: A Guide for Younger Bosses, published recently by the Harvard Business Review. Here’s an excerpt:

“Send emails early and late. Invite meetings on weekends and at odd hours. Be in the office or online all the time. Dial into meetings at insane hours during overseas travel. Understand that managers older than yourself may have families that require them to live by different rhythms from yours — they may need to be offline from 6 to 8, for example.”

I invite you to read – nay, skim! – the rest of the article. On a recent LinkedIn discussion, here’s what I had to say about the author’s advice:

As I read it, what the author suggests here has very little to do with younger bosses managing older employees; it mostly seems like it’s his take on management in general. My experience working with multiple generations throughout organizations suggests that very little has to do with age, other than some preferred methods of communication, but not always that, either.

In terms of his approach to management, I actually disagree with much of what he posits, especially around his comments in “Let them know that you are working long and hard.” While I think the basic premise might be valuable, the idea that a younger employee should essentially put on a show to demonstrate work ethic to the tune of being “online all the time” or scheduling weekend meetings, is counter-intuitive to my understanding of good management and, more importantly, good leadership. In my opinion, that and other suggestions border on crazy-making and deceit.

As a rule, I tend toward a more collaborative approach to management, which requires explicit communication, and he is clearly immersed in and advocating for hierarchy, where implicitness rules the day.

Whether you agree or disagree, I’d love to know your thoughts!

* There’s also this part of me that wants to hedge. That wants to say, “To each his own.” There’s merit to that as I certainly don’t wish to throw the baby out with the bathwater. And of course, I’m sure I, too, have unwittingly offered something meaningless or offensive at one time or another.

Tags: business, communication, integrity, leadership, power, time management
Posted in career | 4 Comments »

The Brand Called You – An Imperative or a Danger?

Written by Jennifer on 10th June 2010

The idea of a personal brand came into the spotlight via the 1997 Fast Company article, The Brand Called You, and has remained as a celebrated – nay, revered – concept in the business world. The article’s author, Tom Peters, asserts that “you’re every bit as much a brand as Nike, Coke, Pepsi, or the Body Shop.” As a matter of fact, you need to consider yourself CEO of Me, Inc. (That’s your me, not mine.)

Last night I was speaking on a panel geared toward young professionals in the midst of career transition and this very topic of personal branding came up. I listened to the other panelists give credence to the concept and the language and then I weighed in. As a business-owner who loves all things marketing and branding as it relates to my business, let me recap my perspective.

I think it’s dangerous to consider ourselves brands. Using language that positions human beings as consumer goods for sale or for trade undermines the value inherent in being a living creature. It also sponsors the already damaging cultural overemphasis on money and work. Or, as this New York Time article from earlier this year asks:

Is the society always better off with the undigested utterance, the instantaneous attempt at positioning? And in marketing ourselves, will we neglect the pursuit of actually improving?

Part of my perspective on personal branding is connected to my perspective on job searching and employment, in general. I view both as a mutual courtship that must lead to collaboration. Yes, we have to be clear on who we are, what we want and what we bring to the table. But always seeking to sell to one another detracts from the experience of true community.

There were a few nods in the audience last night, but I came away with the impression that my perspective is a minority one. Indeed, many of my respected colleagues and peers are big proponents of personal branding and the internet is awash in programs and trainings designed to help you be a better CEO of Me, Inc.

I’d like to know your perspective. Is creating a personal brand something you believe must be done in order for you to be successful? Does the idea make you uncomfortable? Does it connect with your truest sense of self and your deepest spiritual beliefs? Have you articulated what you believe is your personal brand?

Tags: career, collaboration, integrity, marketing
Posted in career | 2 Comments »

Day 12: An Irish Grandmother (30th Birthday Countdown)

Written by Jennifer on 27th February 2010

As a countdown to my 30th birthday on March 18, I’ve committed to offering 30 people, things and experiences I want to celebrate from the last 30 years. Grab a piece of cake and enjoy reading!

My last surviving grandparent died this morning.

Of all my grandparents, I was closest to her. Mommom was the one I adored as a child; the one who loved the wind; who gave out ironed $5 bills to her grandkids so they might “buy a Coke”; who painstakingly celebrated each Christmas gift given to her; who served tea in Irish Beleek China; who would hold my teenaged hands in hers and give me some bit of advice.

(Christmas, 1996)

But I have only seen Mommom twice in the past five years even though we live fewer than 10 miles apart. Both times were during this last month while she lay dying on a hospital bed at the age of 98.

This is because Mommom had “disowned” me. I will spare you the details and let it stand at the fact that five years ago I suggested we build a better relationship. She has never spoken to me since.

When I got the call two weeks ago that she wanted to see me in the hospital, I obliged. I have long ago released any anger toward her and was hopeful that she would release her own toward me, perhaps offering herself some comfort at the end of this road. Alas, in the unforgiving nature of dying, she was unable to speak to me by the time I arrived at her side. Her stroke had left her partially paralyzed and in need of a ventilator, preventing her from vocalizing.

I held her hand for over 30 minutes while she struggled with great frustration to tell me something. But it was too late. For her, there could be no deathbed speech.

The life lessons learned by watching Mommom from afar have been invaluable and I have found myself celebrating them frequently in these last weeks. In particular, I celebrate the understatement that it is better to address matters of great importance in a timely fashion. I find it easy to also celebrate the warmth and generosity I experienced with her as a child and the Depression-era Irish Catholic strength that coursed through her blood.

Today, however, on the day of her death, I mostly celebrate what I hope is freedom for her from the suffering that clouded most of her life. To do so, I offer this:

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

by William Butler Yeats

I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the mourning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet’s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.

May it be so.

Tags: celebration, change, death, integrity, story
Posted in celebration, death, integrity, story | 7 Comments »

I am the Medium and the Message

Written by Jennifer on 25th June 2009

All right, so I’m not Marshall McCluhan. If I was, the title would be this.

A close relative recently asked how I felt about being so “out there” in terms of social media; in particular, how does it feel to be exposing myself so much via this blog. After all, you can be drastically different things to different people if you manage to keep them separated.

Like most people, I have experience with this. My circles are wide and varied and everyone gets a slightly different flavor of Jen, Jennifer, Aunt Jenny or Ms. Gleeson Blue. That’s part of what it means to be a social creature. Unfortunately, a “different flavor” can also lead to a problematic disintegration of authenticity.

A typical example: I was recently talking with a client about how hard she finds it to integrate her different personas. In other words, if her work people showed up at a family party, they wouldn’t recognize her as the same person. And vice versa.

That’s when it clicked for me.

Social media has invited me to publicly stand for who I am and what I’m about. The medium (blogging, in this case) has sharpened the message (it’s coming). Clarified it. Liberated it, too.

And it asks me to show up consistently all over my life. Paradoxically, it seems, this experience of anonymity that comes with sitting at a keyboard has actually enabled me to be more authentic and integrated all across the board (that’s the message!). I bring more of ME wherever I go, be it a family barbeque, a client session, a Board meeting, a night out with friends.

So if you are the medium, what’s your message?

Tags: authenticity, communication, integrity
Posted in authenticity, communication, integrity | 4 Comments »