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Posts Tagged ‘story’

Fact or Fiction?

Written by Jennifer on 2nd June 2011

I’m sporting a rather large belly these days. At 30 weeks pregnant (40 is the estimated total for those of you not immersed in all things prenatal) and in the home stretch, I’ve gained 27lbs or so and the bulk of it is hanging out up front. All this to say that sleeping is, well, different.

Every night I make a little barricade around myself of pillows, including a small one underneath the side of my belly. As if turning over while this pregnant wasn’t challenging enough, bringing the pillows is a veritable athletic feat. Which is why that doesn’t always happen.

It’s also how I’ve come face-to-face with an internal drive to create stories about this child I have yet to meet. This is how it goes:

I find myself in the wee hours of the morning, having switched sides one more time, this time having neglected to bring my belly-supporting pillow
I notice that I’m turned halfway onto my stomach – the belly needs support somehow! – and so everything is a little squished
I’m uncomfortable
The babe is moving around like crazy – rapid, strong motions
I interpret this movement as discomfort

The only real “fact” here is that the baby is moving. But instead of putting a period at the end of that sentence and being done with it, I make meaning out of it, I make up a story: the baby is uncomfortable because there’s not enough room in this position. There’s no way to know if this is true.

Many of the stories we create – and we’re creating them ALL the time – are generally harmless. The slope, however, is slippery. When we insist on maintaining an interpretation of any fact we are creating limits that may not be fair. In my case, I’m already deciding what this child likes and doesn’t like. That may be a relatively innocuous thing to do in utero, but this could easily slide into a rigid understanding of who the child is moving forward. I could make all manner of untrue assumptions that affect how I parent.

The best way I know to move through all of this is with curiosity. Creating narratives is important and natural, but I choose to remain curious about my world and about how I interpret my world (although there really is no difference between those two things). In the case of the active child, I might ask:

Why else might this child be moving?
What reason might I have for assuming it’s the result of discomfort?
Is it possible that only I am uncomfortable?
How might I experience this movement without constructing a narrative about it?

And you? Where do you tend to create fiction out of fact? Is it useful? Or might it be limiting you or another person? Consider coming up with another interpretation or maybe, just maybe, releasing any interpretation, if only for a moment.

Tags: attachment, story
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The Mundane

Written by Jennifer on 5th May 2011

Unless you’re a Spanish Civil War history buff or a voracious consumer of literary journalism, Homage to Catalonia by George Orwell may not have made it onto your book shelf. My husband is of the latter persuasion so when I was perusing the shelves recently, he suggested Orwell’s account of his experience of joining the militia during the Spanish Civil War.

Truth be told, the book is not the easiest to read. I’m missing a lot of historical context and terminology which makes the political maneuvering difficult to comprehend without creating flow charts and keeping a cultural dictionary nearby. Thankfully, however, Orwell keeps much of the narrative focused on the action of war. Toward the end of the book, he reflects upon a skirmish in Barcelona this way:

“When you are taking part in events like these you are, I suppose, in a small way, making history, and you ought by rights to feel like an historical character. But you never do, because at such times the physical details always outweigh everything else…What I was chiefly thinking about was not the rights and wrongs of this miserable internecine scrap, but simply the discomfort and boredom of sitting day and night on that intolerable roof, and the hunger which was growing worse and worse…”

The narrative of our lives is centered in the mundane. It is hard to be conscious of the greater stories unfolding while we are in the midst of them because we must eat and sleep and talk and work and laugh and clean. This does not mean that we are not undergoing transformation or making a significant difference in the world. It simply means we’re human.

Tags: change, story, writing
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Life by Story: Kim Sauer

Written by Jennifer on 8th April 2011

This is the first segment of Life by Story, a video series designed to introduce you to the stories of how creative individuals are – or are not – getting to the stuff that matters in their lives. Background on the series can be found here.

Meet Kim Sauer. She’s young, she’s driven and her life is in flux. Watch how she describes her changing story…

If you’re local to Philadelphia and want to check out the fitness regime that Kim is now teaching, visit The Lithe Method. If you want to read more about Kim, head here.

Having watched the video, I encourage you to reflect on these questions:

What has motherhood looked like in your life?

What does Kim’s story reveal about you?

How comfortable do you feel when you don’t know the trajectory of your own narrative?

Please share your thoughts and feedback about this segment of Life by Story below. Ready to tell your own story? We’re all waiting!

Tags: career, direction, interview, story
Posted in Life by Story | 7 Comments »

Announcing Life by Story!

Written by Jennifer on 5th April 2011

For months I’ve been working on a new video series that aligns with my coaching practice, philosophy and process called Life by Story. The first segment of this series, produced in association with my main man over at MassGrass Media, will be launching this week. I couldn’t be more excited to share it with you!

In each episode you’ll have an uncommon glimpse into the life of a person like you and throughout the series you’ll be exposed to the stories of all kinds of creative people facing all kinds of challenges and exciting dreams. Some of the stories they share will be about how they are getting to the stuff that matters; others will about why they’re not.

I offer this post prior to the launch of Life by Story as a way to remind you that encountering one another’s stories is important. Some reasons why:

We cannot know what’s possible in the world if we are exposed to the same limited information repeatedly.

It’s very hard to create that which we have never seen.

We are increasingly isolated, with our experience of one another reduced to status updates, tweets and texts.

Our assumptions never get challenged unless we expose ourselves to the ideas of others.

It’s easier to have compassion on ourselves when we listen openly to another person’s honest journey.

We cannot change a story if we do not recognize the fact that we are telling one.

You’ll have the opportunity to interact with the upcoming story later this week and, for now, I’d like to invite you to listen with openness to the stories of those you are encountering day-to-day. Feel what might be possible for you, sit with the discomfort of entering into someone else’s journey and consider your own life: what stories are you telling?

Tags: communication, life by story, story
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Documenting Metamorphosis

Written by Jennifer on 17th March 2011

Change can be elusive when it comes to keeping track. Sure, there are those moments when something suddenly shifts in a big way – like the way priorities sink into place at times of illness or death or someone speaks a truth that we’ve never been able to hear before and it blows our mind. More often than not, it seems we awake suddenly realizing there’s been some massive alteration and are able to see, in retrospect, that we’ve been traveling toward such changes for quite some time. It’s just that we’d had no idea they were occurring or how significant the change was.

I recently received a surprising lesson in this process. At nearly five months pregnant, my body has been undergoing rapid changes from the get-go. It’s been the unseen physical changes that I’ve been tuned into the most: the fatigue, nausea, increased flexibility, shortness of breath, random cramping and the recent wiggling of the growing baby. Sure, the pile of clothes I can no longer fit into has grown larger with every passing week, and I’m fascinated by my changing shape, but when my husband snapped a recent photo of me (part of series to keep track of the physical progress), I was shocked at how “little” I looked pregnant compared to how pregnant I felt, and I said as much.

Week 19 – you’ll notice the “belly band” keeping these unbuttoned pants up, even though they are two sizes larger than my pre-pregnancy jeans.

Scott laughed at this and immediately scrolled back to the photo he took at five weeks pregnant, just days after I had gotten a positive pregnancy test, at a time when I was aware that my most comfortable jeans were already getting a tad tight.

Week 5 – just the beginning!

I almost fell over from shock. Even though none my pants have fit since the end of December and nearly all of my shirts are too short, I quite simply had no awareness of the degree to which my body had actually changed shape. I harbored no recollection of ever being so…skinny. Tiny. Straight. It seemed preposterous.

This got me thinking. If keeping track of the incredibly rapid changes to my very visible, physical body had proved elusive, what does that mean about the other, less visible ways we evolve? If we can’t remember where we started, how do we know how far we’ve traveled? Tangentially, is it even useful to have such knowledge?

I have little trouble answering that last question. I do believe it’s useful to be aware of our significant alterations and to pay moderate attention to our growth and development. It boosts us for the continuation of the journey. It helps us have compassion for those at different places along the path. It gives us a road map to hand off to others who might want or need one. It keeps us simultaneously grounded and keyed into the bigger story unfolding.

In regards to the “how” of documenting metamorphosis, I imagine that varies from person to person and the individual narrative that is undergoing transformation. Sometimes photographs work. Or examining one’s own creative output. Often, words do. A quick perusal through my own journals from 10 years ago reminds me of where I was and how much I’ve changed. For that reason in part, I often have my clients write their “current” story – be it a personal or business story. It provides a concrete record of where we started. Similarly, it always gives me great joy to look at a client’s evolution through the lens of my notes taken throughout a coaching engagement.

You have changed, too. It’s a requirement of life. So how do you know that you or your organization has undergone some transformation? Or how much has changed? How have you documented your own metamorphoses?

Tags: change, goals, story, writing
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Choose Your Friends Wisely

Written by Jennifer on 26th January 2011

This is Part Six in a Six-Part Series about getting to the stuff that matters this year. If you missed the other parts, start here.

We all know the people closest to us have a significant effect on our lives. You’ve likely been hearing about this since you were a child when your parents weighed in on your peer relationships. More recently, research has even shown that your choice in friends can make you fat.

Our relationships also effect what we believe is possible for us, what’s important to us and whether or not we’re likely to act on those possibilities and values.

Take the Olympic athlete I heard about recently who was coming out of retirement for one last contest. When her father didn’t believe she’d make it, she cut him out of her inner circle. In order to achieve this difficult goal, she knew she needed to weed out negative influences and, pain her as it might, her father was being a negative influence.

When you think about getting to the important stuff in your life, do you find that you are surrounded by the right people? Do they believe in you, support you, encourage you, challenge you, speak the truth to you? Do their own journeys inspire you?

Integral to the design of the upcoming 6-month coaching group, Jumpstart What Matters Most 2011, is community. Participants will benefit tremendously as they build an intimate creative support group that stays connected, in touch and as they serve as cheerleaders and fellow travelers on the journey. If you are looking for that kind of support, consider joining us for our start in one week! The group will stay small, but can accommodate one or two more people.

Isn’t it time you started getting to the stuff that really matters?

Tags: change, coaching, goals, relationships, story
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Live a New Story

Written by Jennifer on 21st January 2011

This is Part Five in a Six-Part Series about getting to the stuff that really matters this year. If you missed the other parts, start here.

A few years ago, in the 40 or so days prior to Easter, I decided to participated in the age-old tradition of Lent. Now I don’t come from a family that ever even gave a nod to Lent and the bulk of my religious experience has been devoid of such strong connections to a church calendar. In my childhood memory, Lent was for Catholics who needed to fulfill their masochistic tendencies through self-deprivation, primarily by way of giving up soda, candy or ice cream. And we were not Catholic.

But I am a sucker for ritual in petite amounts, so when the idea to do something differently for this limited amount of time popped into my brain, I couldn’t shake it. I wasn’t, however, interested in deprivation. The mere thought of abstaining from anything made me feel depressed and full of cravings. I figured I’d be better off adding something in rather than taking something away.

My choice? Yoga. Everyday for the 40+ days leading up to Easter. Daily yoga was something I always meant to do, but never got around to actually doing. Something I knew would have a positive impact in my life, but easily got pushed to the back burner. (This was also before I had a yoga room.)

My Lenten experiment was successful. Amazingly, delightfully successful.

I’ve been sharing these last two weeks about a process to get to the stuff that really matters to you this year and actually living the new story is where the rubber meets the road. We can identify what matters, clarifying the narratives that are holding us back, map the gap between where we are and where we want to be and craft the elements of the new story we want to be living. But all of this comes in service of living and working differently.

My Lenten experiment provides some guideposts for successfully stepping into a new way of being that I’d like to share with you:

1. Forget about forever. If the mere idea of moving forward with something leaves you seeking out any other diversion, give yourself a time frame. Had I said I was now someone who does yoga everyday, I never would have started. Daily yoga for just 40 days? Done!

2. Focus on only meeting the minimum requirements. My only “rule” for Lenten Yoga was this: everyday you must get on your yoga mat. I didn’t commit to five minutes, 25 minutes or one hour. If I wanted to do five sun salutations and then get back to work, five sun salutations it was. If I wanted to lie in corpse pose until I’d drifted off to sleep, corpse pose it was. Giving myself this permission ensured I’d actually do what I wanted to do and more often than not five sun salutations turned into a full practice.

3. Tell other people. I didn’t tell a lot of people about my plans, but all I needed was a handful. I knew no one was affected one way or the other, but there’s something about speaking your intentions out loud to those who care about you and who will remember your goals that brings the motivation up a notch or two. I chalk it up to pride.

You are already aware that it’s not always easy to take your ideas – whether they are about our creativity, vocation, health, relationships, etc. – off the back burner and begin taking action on them. If you’re looking for a supportive environment in which to make that happen, I hope you’ll hop on over to Jumpstart What Matters Most 2011 and consider filling one of the final spots of this telephone coaching group. The series runs for six months and is going to empower you to get the stuff that matters. I promise!

Tags: coaching, goals, health, story, yoga
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Create a New Story

Written by Jennifer on 18th January 2011

This is Part Four in a Six-Part Series about getting to the stuff that really matters this year. If you missed the other parts, start here.

We have come to the next step in this series that deals with the construction of a new story, something that participants in Jumpstart What Matters Most 2011 will be doing as part of their group coaching experience. Of course, constructing your own story is something you either passively or actively participate in whether you’re aware of it or not. As often as possible, I vote for active participation!

What I haven’t really articulated, however, is a response to the question, why story? Story is the thread running through all aspects of this series (and my work at Get There From Here) and, while it’s likely made some sort of connection with you already (you’re still reading, right?), I’d nonetheless like to be explicit on why the focus is on creating a new story and not a new plan/life/vision/system.

Let me start here: there are myriad frameworks to use when supporting others to grow and change. There exists a plethora of helping professions. Additionally, each coach brings something different to the table. For me, taking a narrative approach rose to the surface in terms of effectiveness and personal preference.This is not to say that the language of plans/life/visions/systems is never used in my work; it’s simply to say it falls under the larger umbrella of story.

This is partly true for the simple fact that humans are hardwired to be meaning-makers and have been making sense of themselves and their world through narratives since the beginning of time. In other words, story is a natural entry point for coaching . Story also tends to laser in on the root of many issues, such that constructing a new story is less about changing habits or setting goals and more about becoming someone who can sustain change and traverse the path toward what’s envisioned.

Perhaps most obviously, for individuals and organizations who are already predisposed to approaching the world while tapped into their creativity, a framework of story is undeniably rich and attractive. Artists, creative entrepreneurs and writers easily grasp and benefit from this work.

But there are other reasons that I’d like to quickly enumerate.

1. Using story provides a universal language. Especially in groups, we move out of individualized, jargony self-help language and into something easily understood and accessible.

2. Story provides safe ways to revisit the past. Taking a narrative approach helps you stay in the present while exploring your history, making it less intimidating and, importantly, less rigid or fixed.

3. Story captures the imagination. Coaching through the lens of story not only engages your most creative self (incredibly important when solving your complex problems!), it also has a way of opening up the pathway for new possibilities.

4. Story provides distance and objectivity. In addition to removing the burden of having to “work” on “yourself” (you work on your story) using a narrative approach gives you power to choose what kind of meaning you will make, how you will interpret the facts before you.

Story creation is an important, powerful process that enables you to step fully into the life and work you desire. It is a gateway for getting to the stuff that matters. And when you find that you can rewrite your story, you discover that you are operating from an incredibly powerful place.

Don’t believe me?

Read these stories.

If you are ready to create a story that enables you to get to the stuff that matters, I encourage you to connect with me. I’d love to have you join the small group of other creative/entrepreneurial folks who will be participating in Jumpstart What Matters Most 2011. The group starts in two weeks, so drop me a line ASAP and we can decide together if this is a natural next step for you. Call (215.764.1615) or email today!

Tags: coaching, creativity, story
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Map the Gap

Written by Jennifer on 14th January 2011

This is Part Three in a Six-Part Series about getting to the stuff that really matters this year. If you missed the other parts, start here.

So we’ve talked about what really matters and about discovering your current story. All this to share more fully with you about how you can effect change in 2011. It will also help you better understand the process for the upcoming six month group coaching series, Jumpstart What Matters Most.

Here’s the third part: mapping the gap between the stuff that matters and your current story.

All coaching deals in part with “the gap.” After all, between where we are and where we want to be, there is space. If there wasn’t, we’d already have what we want, be doing what we want, be relating the way we want, be thinking the way we want, be living the way we want. We’d be there. But for most of us, there are important areas of our lives where the gap can feel pretty big, where the path to “getting there” appears long and full of travail.

Embarking on the journey to live our lives in line with what matters most to us is its own kind of hero’s journey, the archetypal pattern described by Joseph Campbell. It is an ancient, mythic, ubiquitous pattern. (Realizing and embracing the ubiquity of this narrative can ultimately prove helpful and provide fuel for the journey.) Even the most cursory glance reveals that the path to “getting there” is often a serious and challenging one:

Of course, as you already know, when something is truly worth going after, it is hardly as easy as stepping over a few pebbles in the road. Indeed, when we examine the “why” of being stuck, there are good reasons. We are often confronted with our own past, our limitations, our psychological hang-ups or habituated responses. The gap between where we are and where we want to be can feel insurmountable and undesirable. After all, I don’t know anyone who actively seeks out an abyss.

But there is tremendous good news! News that forms the foundation of my coaching philosophy: when you are truly ready for the journey, when you feel it is time, deep down, you will have what you need. And if you do not have every piece that you need before embarking, you will receive it just in time. This goes for both internal resources and external resources. You will discover you have the courage the moment you need courage. You will discover you have the life-changing question the moment it needs to be asked. You will discover that you have the community the moment you need relational support.

You are the hero in your own journey and, ultimately, moving through the entire process is a choice you get to make. Your journey may look like the archetypal narrative above, or it may follow a different arc. Regardless, you get to be an active participant in the creation of how you close the gap between your current story and a new one that reflects what matters most to you.

If you are feeling called to step into your own hero’s journey this year, I invite you to join Jumpstart What Matters Most 2011, a small coaching group starting February 2 designed to help you take those creative and entrepreneurial goals off the back burner. It will provide you with the resources you need to begin moving forward in a powerful, new way! Click here to reserve your spot today!

Tags: coaching, direction, fear, goals, story
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Discover and Understand Your Current Story

Written by Jennifer on 12th January 2011

This is Part Two in a Six-Part Series about getting to the stuff that really matters this year. If you missed Part One, start here.

At the very end of December, I blogged about orienting your life around its most important elements, whatever they are to you. I also invited you to take stock of 2010, exploring what did or did not align with your priorities. This was a prelude to the launch of an incredibly exciting group coaching series that starts on February 2. As I wrote in December, Identifying What Really Matters is the first step in the series.

Today I want to share more about Step 2 in the group coaching series: Discover and Understand Your Current Story. To do so, I’m going to start with a story you’ve heard before, the story of the half-mad, starving artist.

The half-mad, starving artist is talented in his work. He may have a primary way of expressing himself artistically or he may have several. His profession is very often in the creative economy, where he experiences success, but he frustrated because he’s not getting to his own projects. He can’t ever seem to get the right structures in place or develop the discipline to get things done. His self-esteem is low and dropping, a problem exacerbated by the fact that he is generally underpaid and overworked and has alienated those around him with erratic behavior and “forgetfulness.” He understands this to be part and parcel of being an artist.

As a coach, I am immediately drawn toward five or six different areas when presented with a client in a similar (though undoubtedly less archetypal!) situation; however, the most effective one rests in identity. Said another way, it’s all about the story he tells to himself about himself.

If this artist tells himself that being an artist = being irresponsible and impoverished, he is trapped in a perpetual cycle of disappointment. He can either be responsible and solvent OR he can be an artist. He can either get to the stuff that matters OR he can be an artist. But he cannot be both.

Each one of us faces this conundrum in myriad ways all over the fabric of our lives and work. While often less obvious, we naturally tell ourselves stories, many of which actually help us get to where we want to be, many of which don’t. Maybe yours sound like this:

I can’t make a difference and make money.
Since I’m so even-keeled, I must not be very creative.
Success is something that happens overnight or it doesn’t happen at all.
If my ideas were good, someone would have noticed by now.
No one makes a living doing what they really love.
What’s the point of starting; I’m never going to finish.
I can’t be an artist and be business-savvy.
If I were really devoted to my business, I’d be working 24/7.

On one hand, these are all just stories – a particular reality to a particular interpretation of the facts. Unfortunately, if what we want fits outside that interpretation, we cannot have it, do it, get to it, change it. End of story.

Understanding your own story might sound as difficult as reading ancient Mayan hieroglyphics, but it’s not – I promise.

Consider the stories you tell yourself. Where do you think they come from? Do they help you or hinder you? When it comes to getting to the most important stuff in your life, are they in the way?

It may be time to draft a new story so you can take those goals/dreams/projects off the back burner and finally breathe life into them. If you’re ready for that, I invite you to join Jumpstart What Matters Most 2011. Space is super limited (maxing out at 6 people) and it starts February 2. Reserve your spot today!

Tags: coaching, creativity, entrepreneur, goals, story
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